7 luglio 2010

How To Become An Italian



There is a country in the world where

It never rains,

people eat like gods

and where you can do whatever you fucking want.

soccer fans

This country is called Italy.

The country where democracy was born,

which fortunately isn't equal for all.

Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian Prime Minister

EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE TO BE ITALIAN!

Because in Italy a guy like Madoff would not be sentenced.

Because in Italy women don't wear burqas, and they earn less than men.

velina col burqa

Because we don’t have Queen Elizabeth or Oprah.

Because in Italy we are the last to suffer from heart attacks, but the first to die 
from violent deaths.

The Mafia Widow

Because in Italy Madonna grandparent's already did it better.

Pet aren't human beings but things to throw for fun.

We have the best gay stylists.

Pope Joseph Ratzinger 

There are more holidays than working days during the year.

We have the most beautiful lakes, mountains, countryside and seasides.

The garbage of Naples, July 2008

SOME THINGS IN ITALY, HOWEVER, 
COULD SEEM A BIT STRANGE

If you get sick, we take care of you for free.

There are bidets everywhere and we don’t have wall-to-wall carpeting in the bathroom.

We don’t have the death penalty, but we’re getting close.

 Carlo Giuliani, G8 Geneva, July 2001

We don't fine people even if they order a cappuccino 
at the end of lunch.

We use bad language and not weapons to solve 
our problems.

We drink only during meals because 
we prefer fighting sober.

Ultras 

We don't cut spaghetti with a knife.
The cleanest public toilets are the ones in the librairy because no one goes there.

Italian trains - the usual out-of-order toilets 

Neighbors won't sue you if you don't separate 
your recycling.

Our houses won't burn, but they will collapse 
if it rains too hard.

 Earthquake L'Aquila, april 2009

SO, DO YOU STILL WANT TO BECOME AN ITALIAN?

There’s only way to make this dream come true!

Here, dear American, you will have to prove that you know our customs. How? 
Try to answer to these questions.

Q1: Why do people in Italy make love instead of war?

Q2: Why do Italian people have fewer and fewer babies?

Q3: What did Materazzi say that pissed off Zidane?

Zidane headbutts Materazzi (2006)

Q4: Why are there are more funerals than christenings, and more divorces than weddings?

Q5: Why have Dunkin' Donuts, Planet Hollywood, Blockbuster 
and even McDonald's failed in Italy?

A1: Because men aren't circumcised.

A2: To avoid having them baptized by priests.

A3: “You are a man now, it's time to tell you who your mother was”.

A4: Because men prefer to kill themselves rather than pay alimony.

A5: Because it is more profitable to gamble, doing business with on line porn, 
and to traffic in organs.

Do you have well-chosen?

YEAH! YOU ARE FINALLY ONE OF US! 
YOU ARE ITALIAN!

Join us in Italy, the country where people are happy and living, 
working and studying here is really beautiful.

And remember that we don't jump into the subway just because we are running late,

in our outlets you’ll find the best copies of products 
made in China,

and finally, you will feel safe because 
you will have our Protection.


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